This is Why I Hate Nature

So I was on my bed, minding my own business, just drawing a picture for my friend.

All of a sudden I had this sudden urge to scratch the side of my head. I felt something stuck to it. What was it? Dirt? A sticker I had put there but forgot about? I had no idea. So I scratched it off my head. When I looked down to see what it was, I noticed it slightly resembled a tick. Before I could validate this theory, I instinctively freaked out and shook my hand until it was off and somewhere on my bed. Instead of looking for the mysterious object that could possibly be a tick that was now on my bed, I decided to push it to the back of my mind and deny that this event ever occurred in case it really was a tick, meaning that there was a tick on my head. Which is gross. About 15 minutes later I see a small (yet very big) black thing crawl across my computer with the determination and animosity of an angry Cthulhu.

Artist's rendition of the tick that was on my laptop

It seemed that my theory was correct and it was a tick on my head that now wants revenge for discarding it onto my bed and forgetting about it. I screamed and flailed around, almost breaking my laptop, and ran off my bed screeching "THERE IS EITHER A VERY SMALL (BUT STILL TERRIFYING) SPIDER OR VERY LARGE TICK ON MY LAPTOP RIGHT NOW" My father, the bravest and most heroic man alive (who is also a follower of my blog) came to my rescue by calling my younger sister into the room to take care of the Cthulhu tick. She took one of my t-shirts and used it to to pick up the tick and flush it down the toilet. Now this t-shirt will either be burned or given to someone I don't like very much.

A few minutes after this terrible crisis had ended, I was like, "well, I'm sure glad that's over!" But then I started thinking, what if that wasn't the same brain-sucking tick that was on my head earlier? What if the tick on my laptop was a different tick!? And what if this survivor tick was on my bed right now laying eggs to create a mutant tick army!? Like the orc army in "Lord of the Rings" only way, way scarier.


So now, I can't sleep in my bed for at least a week or two for fear of the angry mutant tick babies.

A Day in the Life of a Boring Person

So I have decided that most blogs have more than one post, and since I am totally a follower and not a leader, I am going write ANOTHER POST! It's okay, you can breathe now, it is going to be alright.

Then I had to decide what to write the next post on, but since I am a boring person, I only have boring things to write about. Therefore I will take you through a normal day in my life.

My younger sister does crew as a sport. It starts insanely early, like, "no living thing on the planet is awake right now" early. Not even the trees. She barges out of her room by tripping over the floor, which might I remind you is flat, and makes grumbly noises as she walks down the hallway. She then loudly, and most likely purposefully, makes loud chewing noises and clinks her spoon and bowl together as loudly as possible. I am confused by all of this because it is early and my brain does not comprehend things that aren't "sleep" and "more sleep" and I fall back into a deep slumber. I am then woken up about 1 hour later to my mom screaming, "ARE YOU UP YET! YOU BETTER BE UP OR I AM LEAVING WITHOUT YOU! LOUD YELLING NOISES!!!" I quickly put on my jeans that haven't been washed in 3 weeks and a shirt on inside out and find a piece of gun to chew on; the lazy man's toothbrush.

The rest of my day is pretty much a disorienting blur of classes, eating, classes, people that are loud during class while I am trying doodle on my notebook, and more eating. Then I go home. I then do the one thing that I had been looking forward to all day. I take a nap. Unfortunately the nap only lasts about 4 hours, which is long for people who are normal, but short for people who are me. My nap is then interrupted by either dinner or my dad yelling at me to wake up because I sleep to much and I should go out and cure cancer or take the dogs out for a walk or something. Then I eat dinner, which I usually don't like because my mom tries to sneak vegetables in it and I am like, "Uhhh, I had a big lunch, and my sandwhich had lettuce in it, so that should hold me over on healthy things for about a year. I'm going to eat Froot Loops instead." Then I watch Gossip Girl or Vampire Diaries, because I am a teenage girl and that is what I am told they do. Also Ian Somerhold is totally hot and he was on "Lost," a show I have never actually seen before but I am told had polar bears in it at one point.

Then I try to go to sleep but I am not tired because of my 4 hour nap so I read comics on my computer or read blogs or play solitaire on my ipod until I drift into a deep sleep and dream of things like the PowerPuff girls fighting Obama or little weiner dogs with jetpacks.

Sometimes my routine changes though, like I take a 5 hour nap instead of 4. Or I eat Cocoa Pebbles instead of Froot Loops-

AND OH MY GOD THERE IS AN ANT ON MY LAPTOP, AHHHH!!!!!!!


Current Report: Alright, it's okay now. I bravely found a stuffed animal to wipe the ant of with and it is now crawling around my room. I will have to wait about 2 and a half hours until I forget about the ant or it has left the room and then I will be able to leave my bed. This was the most exciting thing that has happened to me in about 3 weeks. I hate bugs. Even ants. Just imagine if there was spider on my laptop? I probably would have burned the house down. Intentionally.

Crosswalks and College Students

So I was driving through Hanover (the town I live in) going to the movie store to rent Sherlock Holmes, because Robert Downey Jr. totally pwns. As I am driving through main street, this college student just pops out of nowhere right in front of my car. He was not walking on a crosswalk nor did he seem to have any general sense of direction. He looked confused and unaware that there were cars moving at 35 mph in the street. And if he did, he really didn't care and was immortal. I freaked out and hit the brakes and just glared at him as he just slowly crept along to the other side of the street.

Unfortunately, this is a frequent occurrence. Hanover is a college town that is home to Dartmouth. Seeing as Dartmouth is an ivy league, you would think that kids that attend it would be smart; you would be deadly mistaken. You see, these Dartmouth kids obviously have had no prior knowledge of what a crosswalk is. It's like they think it is some terrifying monster that wants to destroy them and eat their souls. They believe that that if they walk on the crosswalk it will open it's horrible shark toothed mouth and swallow them into the bowels of hell where they will burn for all eternity.


There are 4 types of Jay-walking Dartmouth students in Hanover

1. The "diagonal" crosser - When the diagonal crosser crosses the street, they make sure not to miss any part of the street. They start out by crossing the street near the Gap and end up about 4 blocks down the sreet by the CVS. They stroll across the street by erratically zig-zagging and practicing the scene in the beginning of "West Side Story" as they snap their fingers and twirl around in the middle of street.

2. The "I'm in a hurry because I am an Ivy League student" crosser - This type of Dartmouth student has no time to care about cars and the dangers of being hit and killed by one because he is in a hurry! He or she cannot be bothered by silly things like a sense of morality. This person sprints across the middle of the street like he is running from a velociraptor with a jetpack and goddamn lazer eyes. But we cannot hold a grudge for the Dartmouth student in a hurry. This person obviously has places to go and if he doesn't get to the Green for his ultimate frisbee match, there will be some serious consequences.

3. The "This is my road and you best just wait for me to finish crossing" crosser - These crossers are probably the most aggravating of all of the types of crossers. This person starts to cross the street and then as they are halfway through crossing, their friend on the sidewalk starts talking to them,

Crosser's friend: "Hey! What are you doing!? Come over on this side of the street!"

Crosser: "No, you come over here!"

Crosser's Friend: "No come back over here!!"

Crosser: "Hold on, I have a phone call! Let me just put my bag on the ground so I can fish it out! Okay I found it! Now let me just answer it as tie my shoes and read the first 30 chapters of War in Peace while tweeting about how I am tying my shoes and reading War and Peace."

The crosser that just really, really, really wants to get hit - This person is just a mystery to me. It's like the crosser just really wants to get hit. They hide behind parked cars and benches then just bolt into the street, jumping in front of your car screaming "HIT ME, HIT ME!!" It is possible that this particular Dartmouth Student is very poor and wants you to hit them with your car so they can sue you and take your money so they can pay for their coffee.


One of these days, I really am going to hit one of them. But they most likely will never learn.