Crosswalks and College Students

So I was driving through Hanover (the town I live in) going to the movie store to rent Sherlock Holmes, because Robert Downey Jr. totally pwns. As I am driving through main street, this college student just pops out of nowhere right in front of my car. He was not walking on a crosswalk nor did he seem to have any general sense of direction. He looked confused and unaware that there were cars moving at 35 mph in the street. And if he did, he really didn't care and was immortal. I freaked out and hit the brakes and just glared at him as he just slowly crept along to the other side of the street.

Unfortunately, this is a frequent occurrence. Hanover is a college town that is home to Dartmouth. Seeing as Dartmouth is an ivy league, you would think that kids that attend it would be smart; you would be deadly mistaken. You see, these Dartmouth kids obviously have had no prior knowledge of what a crosswalk is. It's like they think it is some terrifying monster that wants to destroy them and eat their souls. They believe that that if they walk on the crosswalk it will open it's horrible shark toothed mouth and swallow them into the bowels of hell where they will burn for all eternity.


There are 4 types of Jay-walking Dartmouth students in Hanover

1. The "diagonal" crosser - When the diagonal crosser crosses the street, they make sure not to miss any part of the street. They start out by crossing the street near the Gap and end up about 4 blocks down the sreet by the CVS. They stroll across the street by erratically zig-zagging and practicing the scene in the beginning of "West Side Story" as they snap their fingers and twirl around in the middle of street.

2. The "I'm in a hurry because I am an Ivy League student" crosser - This type of Dartmouth student has no time to care about cars and the dangers of being hit and killed by one because he is in a hurry! He or she cannot be bothered by silly things like a sense of morality. This person sprints across the middle of the street like he is running from a velociraptor with a jetpack and goddamn lazer eyes. But we cannot hold a grudge for the Dartmouth student in a hurry. This person obviously has places to go and if he doesn't get to the Green for his ultimate frisbee match, there will be some serious consequences.

3. The "This is my road and you best just wait for me to finish crossing" crosser - These crossers are probably the most aggravating of all of the types of crossers. This person starts to cross the street and then as they are halfway through crossing, their friend on the sidewalk starts talking to them,

Crosser's friend: "Hey! What are you doing!? Come over on this side of the street!"

Crosser: "No, you come over here!"

Crosser's Friend: "No come back over here!!"

Crosser: "Hold on, I have a phone call! Let me just put my bag on the ground so I can fish it out! Okay I found it! Now let me just answer it as tie my shoes and read the first 30 chapters of War in Peace while tweeting about how I am tying my shoes and reading War and Peace."

The crosser that just really, really, really wants to get hit - This person is just a mystery to me. It's like the crosser just really wants to get hit. They hide behind parked cars and benches then just bolt into the street, jumping in front of your car screaming "HIT ME, HIT ME!!" It is possible that this particular Dartmouth Student is very poor and wants you to hit them with your car so they can sue you and take your money so they can pay for their coffee.


One of these days, I really am going to hit one of them. But they most likely will never learn.